A Unicorn On Rollerskates Powered By Puppy Kisses

If irony were a river that ran through out the world I'm pretty sure you could trace the source back to Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Everyday at the crack of noon, millions of hipsters peel themselves off the floor of their $800/month apartment, throw a greasy hand through perfectly clean hair, pull on a 20 year old t-shirt that cost$3 when it was made and cost them $80 out of their trust fund and schlep down to a coffee shop to bitch in a tone that mocks but never smiles about how they're roughing it. And today I canceled a date with a friend to head into this wilderness of cool to see one of my favorite comedians, Patton Oswald.

Patton was making a free appearance at "Sound Fix" one of those record stores I mentioned in yesterday's blog. I got their about 2 hours early, hoping to get a good seat. That was a bit too early leaving me to nurse a coffee for around 2 hours. Well, the place filled with smelly hipsters who fetched PBRs and talked about the newest Interpol album. Eventually Patton showed up and stood on a chair sipping 12 year Macallan and regaling us with his drunken adventures watching Jerry Maguire . I ordered a PBR myself so I could drink with Patton and he was hilarious, for about 20 minutes and then he went to sign a bunch of albums. Poor me, I had though he'd be performing for 3 hours but he sounded tired from all the press junkets promoting his new animated rat movie Ratatouille, which I do want to see, along with the boy wizard.

On the way out of the record store I saw a woman who I was standing next to at the Spoon concert last night. I didn't make much of her then, but on second glance she was actually pretty cute. So I asked her, "Weren't you at the Spoon concert last night?"
She said "Yeah"
I said "Did you come for this guy?"
she said "Yeah, and this." holding up the new Spoon album.
I said "Nice, nice." and then walked off, just...like... a...moron! I had a perfect intro. "You've got good taste." Which implies of course. "I've got good taste too." But I walked on down the block, kicking myself the whole way.

So before I went back to Manhattan, I took a walk to lay eyes on a joint called Anytime, which has $1 drinks, just for future reference. Then I talked myself into going back to the record store to see what happens, hoping maybe she was talking to Patton or something. Of course, she was long gone. But Patton was still there, signing albums and taking pictures. Now, as you may have guessed from my interaction with Dominic Chianese, I detest fawning. I think fans behave miserably, and it's an embarrassment to try and make personal connections with people you've only seen on TV. But I figured while I'm here I might as well get his new CD and thank him for making me laugh.

Well, the CDs were sold out. So I thought OK, I'll shake his hand and say goodbye. But as I stood in line empty handed, still feeling like a big social klutz for flubbing my chances with that woman, I saw someone taking picture after picture of Oswald, I saw Oswald's smile become a grimace in the red pre-flash glare, and I thought "I'll spare him one more jerkoff to deal with," and then I went home.

After this day of mild disappointment, I decided to recover a bit by ordering some steamed dumplings, and a grabbed a beer from the bodega.

DAILY BREAKDOWN

Balance: $29

IN: $10Publish Post

OUT:
Coffee: $2
Pabst Blue Ribbon: $3
Chinese Dumplings: $3.75
Beer: $1
Paper Towels: $1

Balance: $28.25