The Food Stamp Challenge: Day 5

Today was a tough one. The red beans and rice I brought to work wasn't that good. I got sick of eating it, threw it out and began to starve about a half hour later. Frustrated with this false state of poverty I began to hallucinate that my pen was a candy cane, my keyboard a bumpy chicken leg, my post-it pad a nice yellow sugar cookie. At the close of the day, I dragged my growling stomach past the smells of midtown and tried not to bite into Harry Potter: Book 7 like a crazed billy goat. Though I've seen stranger things than a man eating his book on the subway.

Hunger is such a ridiculous state. I wish I was like Siddhartha and could just laugh it off, but I know that every time I chase hunger away it will soon reappear. It's the like a little goblin that haunts us all, just around the corner. And when you don't have the money to spend on food, which for the duration of the week I'm pretending not to, that goblin grows into an ogre, it gains size and ferocity. It lingers even after you've eaten, just in the hall you can hear hunger breathing. You wash your dishes and hear it laughing. As if Hunger can hear you wondering how you'll next chase him away.

The other problem is variety. It's easier to buy just rice and have fix'ns for that, than to try and buy rice, pasta, and bread. You find that such a small budget forces you to repeat a few dishes. Now if I had someone else in my family or on my program it may be a bit easier. With that $21 more per week I could by hamburger meat, tomato sauce and chocolate to make Skyline Chili. I could buy more vegetables, I might even be able to purchase some of that golden animal byproduct I've come to miss so much the past few days, CHEESE. So for food's sake the Food Stamp Program may help people stick together.

But basically, as is, $21 per week means, boredom, dissatisfaction, hunger, and a distinct feeling of frustration. And through this lens, the act of giving people just enough money to not starve seems like a cruel way to keep people fed while keeping them low at the same time. Though I suppose it is better than not giving them anything as they did before the New Deal 70 years ago, isn't it? Still, it's hard to have hope while you're hungry.

The thing is, I'm in the red. I want my first month to be a success. I want break even at the end of it and have some spending money come August 1, but that means stretching out my pantry until next Wednesday. I don't know if I can make that. And even if I do, I'll spend it all right away on more food. And any kind of fun is very far away. And this is month one of six. Well, no point in despairing. We'll see how it all goes. This has been a learning experience for me, for certain. I miss beer. I bought a friend a birthday card today, other than that, no spending. I promise this will be fun again.

The Daily Breakdown

Starting Balance: -$58.75

In: $10

Out:
Card: $2.50

Balance: -$51.25